“Isn't Everyone a Little Autistic?"
Read now (4 mins) | No, but maybe YOU are...
June 8, 2023
I’ve noticed a lot of people get uncomfortable or even bristle when I say “I’m Autistic.” Sometimes they tell me I don’t look Autistic (FYI it doesn’t have a look), or they will tell me there is no need for labels, or I get the chummy – but we are buds, right? – reaction which somehow is meant to be the nicest and yet somehow feels the worst “Hey! We are all a little bit Autistic, right?”
“Uhhhhh…. I mean, I don’t know, are we all a little bit diabetic too because our blood sugar all fluctuates?”
I know some of my experiences resonate even if you aren’t Autistic, but that doesn’t mean the experiences are equivalent.
I was at a stoplight yesterday and these two motorcycles went by. The motorcycles were so loud (to me) that as they were cross the light my entire body started shaking. I was filled with murderous rage and hot tears shot out of my eyes like projectiles.
One minute I was listening to a podcast and the next I was transported to a Sensory Overstimulation Hellscape. In the 2 seconds that it took for them to pass through their green light, I fantasized about driving through my red and hitting them, then I looked up how many decibels of sound a motorcycle makes, and I started to create a global campaign to get motorcycles banned (silliness, I know). The podcast continued in the background but I lost track and before I knew it 20 minutes had passed. 20 minutes of dysregulation from 2 motorcycles going through an intersection. SWEET BABY JESUS!
So, does a loud noise bother everyone sometimes? I’m sure it does, but it is not the same as us all being ‘a little Autistic.’
While usually well-meaning, the phrase “everyone’s a little Autistic” minimizes the struggles of people with a disability. Can you see the difference when we talk about diabetes? Yes, everyone’s blood sugar fluctuates, but no, we are not all a little bit diabetic. The struggles of managing diabetes are completely different than sharing some occasional symptoms.
What’s particularly hard about this is that I know it’s meant as a way to say “hey – we are all the same – you aren’t broken. I accept you.” I know it’s MEANT to feel good, but it’s actually quite invalidating and infuriating. By minimizing our differences and challenges it makes it harder for us to get the services and accommodations we need to help make the world more inclusive to us.
>>>AND THERE IS A WILD TWIST!!!!<<<<
(So if you have ever said or thought this sentence, keep reading)
In my experience, the people who choose this approach – often (though not always) – actually ARE Autistic!!! Some of this response can be internalized ableism, but some of it is that they hear the descriptions Autistic people share and they are thinking – “Sure, me too. I mean I don’t have ALL the signs but I have some of them, doesn’t everyone?”
NO! Everyone does not! Autism is a spectrum, so our traits show up in different ways and at different times. And many undiagnosed adults have developed skills for covering up Autism with behaviors that aren’t authentic to their true self which can make it very hard to diagnose or self-diagnose.
Autism is WILDLY under-diagnosed—especially in women. I can’t stress this enough. (And diagnosis/identification can be life saving).
About 2% of us are diagnosed, but I think the number of #ActuallyAutistic people could be as high as 20%. There are many reasons we are underdiagnosed, including these:
All the original studies on Autism were done on young, white boys
Due to social pressures, women tend to be better at masking and display different traits
A lack of helpful accommodations made it safer not to “find out” in the past
If you make it to 30 without a diagnosis, you have probably reprogrammed yourself, so it’s harder to catch
Changes to the DSM over time
Discrimination, fear, and stigma
Misdiagnosis of bipolar, BPD, narcissism, and even schizophrenia!
So, my friends, if you have ever thought “I’m a little bit Autistic,” maybe it’s time to dive into some self-exploration.
If you have an Autistic child there is at least a 25% you are Autistic too. Probably higher if you are in a successful marriage because 2 Autistic people are more likely to stay together than an Allistic-Autistic pairing.
Autism is HIGHLY heritable – it’s like passing on blue eyes, one of the parents almost certainly has blue eyes—two brown eyed people don’t make blue eyed babies.
Which is ANOTHER reason you might think “everyone’s a little Autistic” – because the traits of Autism could seem common to you if a lot of people in your family have them.
So, the comment is a bit of a coin toss… maybe, you are just being unconsciously ableist if you are someone who says “everyone’s a little bit Autistic” or maybe, just maybe, it’s time to ask “How so? What are my traits?” You might find out that you could be a member of Club ‘Tism!
There are lots of tools for self-diagnosis out there. The RAADS-R test is a great place to start. Or google for checklists of traits. I find there are 3 equally good methods for diagnosis – all of which work if you don’t need accommodations at work or school or an official diagnosis for a court case or disability case.
Official Diagnosis from a Psychological Practitioner or NeuroPsychologist. This will include completing intake forms, being observed, and possibly having friends and family interviewed (although not required for most people).
Self-diagnosis. This will include reading checklists and taking multiple online Autism tests to get a more detailed picture.
Peer reviewed. This will include talking to several Autistic people who are well-educated on Autism and know how to spot it. Get 3 of us to tell you that you are in Club ‘Tism and you can wave your Autistic Pride flag high!
Remember all Autistic people are different. We experience different traits/symptoms at different times and with different intensities. Autistics can live happy, fulfilling, amazing lives, but a good diagnosis is a part of the care-plan.
So no, everyone is not a little bit Autistic…But maybe you are!
Have you said this phrase? What is your reaction to this post?
Have you had this phrase said to you many times? Vent about it in the comments!
*Background note: Most people only have a vague (often, highly stereotyped) version of autism in their minds and believe that autistic children need (traumatic) ABA therapy to "overcome" their disability and appear "normal." After receiving an autism diagnosis in her thirties, Dr. Angela Lauria realized that she too had been mostly unaware of what it means to be Autistic. Like so many people, she started her journey by first gathering information and resources from the omnipresent (and problematic) Autism Speaks, but eventually moved away from the 'autism community' in favor of the 'Autistic community,' where she found kinship with other Autistic individuals and learned to let go of pathologizing language like 'autism spectrum disorder' and 'Asperger's Syndrome.' This autism blog (and her autism podcast, "The Autistic Culture Podcast") is meant to share her lived-experience insights to support others on a similar journey of diagnosis, understanding, and community. Embrace Autism--differences are not deficits.