Listen now | In this episode, Matt and Angela discuss internalized ableism, the dangers of masking, and how burnout and skill regression can hit unexpectedly.
I had to write though because in my late teens I was given a book on auras and told I was Indigo. (Which maybe is where “indigo child” comes from?) And then around 2015 decided I was an HSP. And now finally found out last year that I am actually just autistic. So living proof over here that these terms really do mean the same thing.
I know this has nothing to do with today's episode, but I had a random Tuesday episode idea I just got into my head: Tarzan! The whole story can be seen as an allegory of an autistic individual (Tarzan) raised in a neurotypical (Gorilla) environment, and only finding his own people as an adult!
Speaking of forgiving ourselves, I have a hard time forgiving myself for the attitudes about autism that I held for a long time. My mother self-identified in the late '90s based on an article she'd read about "Asperger's." She also posthumously diagnosed her father and paternal grandfather. She did not identify me as autistic because of my big emotions and my extroversion when in a safe environment. Similarly, I internalized Baron-Cohen's characterization of autistic individuals as having low empathy. I wrote on various internet forums about how my "Vulcan" autistic mother had emotionally neglected me and how I was a highly sensitive person with a lot of sensory integration problems, but that I couldn't be autistic because I was an "unshielded empath" and "everyone" knew autistic people couldn't also be empaths. On one such forum, about ten years ago, a fellow autistic woman called me out on spreading misinformation. (I think it was on LiveJournal.) I wish I could go back and apologize, but alas, I expunged my LiveJournal when the Russians took it over.
I feel this deeply and like you said some really really dumb stuff before I knew better. I was teaching CBT as a life coach and promoting a very toxic woman's work for years. And like you thought I had an "extreme Male brain" and "lacked empathy and theory of mind" - I just didn't know what I didn't know. It definitely motivates me to spend all the money I spend on the podcast. I'm about $50K upside down which is crazy and I should stop but honestly if it helps one person it's worth it because I know I told so many people "If I could overcome my autistic traits (with CBT) they could too." 🤮
I think we all just need to do what we can when we can and forgive ourselves for the rest.
New to the pod and loving it.
I had to write though because in my late teens I was given a book on auras and told I was Indigo. (Which maybe is where “indigo child” comes from?) And then around 2015 decided I was an HSP. And now finally found out last year that I am actually just autistic. So living proof over here that these terms really do mean the same thing.
Thank you for this podcast - I feel seen. ♥️
Thanks for sharing your story. Me too! <3 When we know better, we do better, as they say!
Angela always sounds genuinely excited when she says HEY MATT and it makes me feel excited to be hanging out with my parasocial buddies
I am definitely genuinely excited! Hanging with Matt is always a good time!
I know this has nothing to do with today's episode, but I had a random Tuesday episode idea I just got into my head: Tarzan! The whole story can be seen as an allegory of an autistic individual (Tarzan) raised in a neurotypical (Gorilla) environment, and only finding his own people as an adult!
OOOH I get it! Not on the list but it makes total sense! Adding it now!
Speaking of forgiving ourselves, I have a hard time forgiving myself for the attitudes about autism that I held for a long time. My mother self-identified in the late '90s based on an article she'd read about "Asperger's." She also posthumously diagnosed her father and paternal grandfather. She did not identify me as autistic because of my big emotions and my extroversion when in a safe environment. Similarly, I internalized Baron-Cohen's characterization of autistic individuals as having low empathy. I wrote on various internet forums about how my "Vulcan" autistic mother had emotionally neglected me and how I was a highly sensitive person with a lot of sensory integration problems, but that I couldn't be autistic because I was an "unshielded empath" and "everyone" knew autistic people couldn't also be empaths. On one such forum, about ten years ago, a fellow autistic woman called me out on spreading misinformation. (I think it was on LiveJournal.) I wish I could go back and apologize, but alas, I expunged my LiveJournal when the Russians took it over.
I feel this deeply and like you said some really really dumb stuff before I knew better. I was teaching CBT as a life coach and promoting a very toxic woman's work for years. And like you thought I had an "extreme Male brain" and "lacked empathy and theory of mind" - I just didn't know what I didn't know. It definitely motivates me to spend all the money I spend on the podcast. I'm about $50K upside down which is crazy and I should stop but honestly if it helps one person it's worth it because I know I told so many people "If I could overcome my autistic traits (with CBT) they could too." 🤮
I think we all just need to do what we can when we can and forgive ourselves for the rest.