Oooooh, oh I did not have crying at a podcast on my bingo card for today!
But I'm an army brat, and we moved basically every year. I was also an undiagnosed autistic kid with a whoooooole bunch of sensory issues who really Really REALLY needed a safe and controlled and consistent environment to feel regulated. And instead, we moved. All the time. Over and over and over and over again. New house. New school. New friends (maybe…). New doctor. New dentist. New church. New supermarket. New EVERYTHING. All. The. God. Damn. Time.
And we joked about how it made us tough and self reliant and able to do anything! Because look how tough we were. We could do it (and by god we were to do it while getting excellent grades and being perfectly well behaved)! Yup. No problems here. We are FINE. No matter how very very not fine I actually was.
So hearing someone talk about moving as trauma was quite possibly the most validating thing that's happened in recent memory. Because oh my god it really was.
And grownup me continues to be amazed by how much more regulated I am when I have the ability to make my home into a sanctuary. Like if you let me get my house dialed in so that it is a machine for taking good care of myself, I am able to do SO much more than I ever expected. But dialing that in takes TIME (and money, and other resources like knowing a good plumber or getting someone to help with the occasional small carpentry project). Which is why I have lived in exactly one apartment and two houses since I finished college twenty some years ago.
And now I’m starting to figure out how to build what I very dearly hope will be my forever home (I bought LAND!). And I have promised myself from day one of the process that I will be clear and direct and unapologetic about saying ‘oh, I understand that’s not standard, but it’s what will work best for me so that’s what I need to do’ as clearly and as often as necessary.
Because I’m pretty sure if I get to build my perfect little hobbit hole, I’ll be damn near unstoppable!
Hi Hunter! Sami here - I'm the new Content Manager for The Autistic Culture Podcast. While I was lucky enough to stay in the stable environment of my childhood home until moving out at the age of 20, the process of moving apartments has always been nothing short of a hellscape, lol. I can't even imagine having to deal with so many transitions on this scale as a kid, let alone as an adult - so just know that moving absolutely IS traumatic, and you're validated.
I'm so happy that you're putting down roots and establishing yourself into your "hobbit hole". I've been turning my apartment into a bit of a hobbit hole myself - and I've been getting used to designing my space in a way that works for my disability, even if it seems non-traditional to most. Being comfortable in my space is my top priority these days - and also staying emotionally regulated, and those two things are so interconnected!
Matt getting fired up with all the swearing for this episode was SO relatable! Also, I'm shocked that neither of you use a WaterPik to clean your teeth, I'm worried about your gum health by powerwashing them with your shower head. 😂 Not sure if you've mentioned it before, but I definitely recommend a bidet, too!
My moving tip is to have a pet, having a cat to snuggle up with in bed always helps me feel at "home" in a new space.
Hi Elle! Sami here, I'm the Content Manager for The Autistic Culture Podcast :) I have honestly been wanting to invest in a WaterPik too. I've never powerwashed my teeth, but brushing my teeth is an absolute sensory hell for me, so there's that lol. & as an autistic cat lady, I definitely second the fact that snuggling up to a kitty is the best way to help with the transition into a new space :) thank you so much for listening Elle!
One quick tip that is helping my wife and I is trying to reduce unnecessary sounds. We bought a microwave that had the option to mute the button sounds and the "food done" sound. And we are in the process of replacing our bathroom exhaust fan. Going to get one that has a decibel level equivalent to a whisper.
Another tip... I also like to buy things that are easy to repair or replace. For example, the new exhaust fan that I want to get is setup so the fan can just be unplugged from its housing and then slid out. This makes cleaning it, and doing other maintenance really easy. Most fans, you need to take the whole housing and everything out making it a pain to maintain them. When they aren't maintained they tend to get louder over time and can break and then I just have to deal with the pain of replacing them. When we remodel our house, the plan is to install hidden panels in the walls that would be easy to remove and provide easy access to all the wires and pipes. This would make fixing leaks, replacing things, etc. really easy.
Oh my goodness this is so helpful! I am extremely sensitive to noise (ironically, as a person who enjoys concerts lol) and I literally can hear the noises that my house makes 24/7. I didn't even know a microwave that can be muted was an option, but now I need one expeditiously. These tips are so helpful! Thank you for sharing!
My wife and I (both of us are Autistic) bought our house in 2016 with the expectation that this would be our forever home. We have plans to one day remodel it and improve it but we never want to move again. This is the first home we ever bought, we rented before this, but we just don't see any need to move again. Something could change, but our plans are to make this home fit us better by remodeling it one day (adding a garage, improving the kitchen, and adding a utility room and another small bathroom and probably finishing the attic for storage) and we have been doing a lot of work on our land to make it perfect for us. And since we can do most of the work ourselves it helps a lot with managing things and doing it in a way that works for us. I find it really regulating to do work with my hands so I'm enjoying slowly improving our place.
Hi Daron! Sami here, I am the new Content Manager for The Autistic Culture Podcast :) I love the idea of just settling down in a forever home - I was born and raised in Southern California, and have no desire to ever leave this area bc of the familiarity and routine I've developed here over decades, and I also am doing similar work in my apartment to optimize it and make it an autistic safe space. When I moved in, it was definitely a work in progress - but I've made it so much my own now that I am absolutely dreading the day I have to move. At the same time, I can't wait for the day that I am not burdened by the restrictions of landlords, lol, and can have a housing situation that works perfectly for me, you know? I'm so glad that you enjoyed this episode and thanks for listening!
I too found this validating. I identified trauma relating to moving house after being forced to move just over 2 years ago. Not at the time mind you, only about a year after. Sure enough, again this year, we were forced to move again but it helped to know that I would be in a fight or flight state. I called in help where I could but it was still extremely stressful. Not least because I have 2 young adult kids who are not able to help at all due to their own disabilities. It's A LOT!
I'm also in the process of turning my home into an autistic/ADHD "hobbit hole." It's an ongoing project, but every time I'm able to nudge my space a little closer to the way I want, it feels more relaxing and homey to me. For me, a huge part of it is finding ways to cut down on household chores, because it reduces demand on my executive functioning and gives me more time to regulate.
My biggest time/money investment has been upgrading my numerous bookcases into bookcases with glass doors. I can see my books, DVDs, and action figures/dolls, but I don't have to dust any of the shelves! My new bookcases are also bigger than my old ones, so I have extra space to put a container on each shelf for other things I need to have handy, like a box of cleaning supplies in each room (instead of having to go get them in one central location,) or boxes of various crafting supplies in my bedroom, which is where I do a lot of that stuff.
One little thing that's weirdly wonderful for me are mop slippers for cleaning my vinyl plank/tile flooring. When I was a kid, I loved the scene from this old Pippi Longstocking movie where she put scrubbing brushes on her feet like roller skates and skated around the room to scrub the floor (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7BXkNt_eLA&pp=ygUgcGlwcGkgbG9uZ3N0b2NraW5nIHNjcnViYmluZyBkYXk%3D). So many times as an adult, I've thought back on that scene longingly and thought, "That would fix me," lol. Well, now that I've discovered mop slippers...it kind of does? I slip them on over my shoes, put on some music and dance around to clean my floors, and then they can go in the wash. Vacuums are a bane on my existence, and this is fun! Love!
Finally, I like to have my home reflect my special interests as much as possible. When I was younger, I went through a period where I thought I was supposed to have more "grown-up" home decor that wasn't just, like, Doctor Who and Star Wars and Lord of the Rings stuff everywhere. But luckily, in the last few years, I realized, "Screw that! It's my house and I want it to make me happy." There's stuff that feels like me in every single room, and that brings me a lot of joy.
Oooooh, oh I did not have crying at a podcast on my bingo card for today!
But I'm an army brat, and we moved basically every year. I was also an undiagnosed autistic kid with a whoooooole bunch of sensory issues who really Really REALLY needed a safe and controlled and consistent environment to feel regulated. And instead, we moved. All the time. Over and over and over and over again. New house. New school. New friends (maybe…). New doctor. New dentist. New church. New supermarket. New EVERYTHING. All. The. God. Damn. Time.
And we joked about how it made us tough and self reliant and able to do anything! Because look how tough we were. We could do it (and by god we were to do it while getting excellent grades and being perfectly well behaved)! Yup. No problems here. We are FINE. No matter how very very not fine I actually was.
So hearing someone talk about moving as trauma was quite possibly the most validating thing that's happened in recent memory. Because oh my god it really was.
And grownup me continues to be amazed by how much more regulated I am when I have the ability to make my home into a sanctuary. Like if you let me get my house dialed in so that it is a machine for taking good care of myself, I am able to do SO much more than I ever expected. But dialing that in takes TIME (and money, and other resources like knowing a good plumber or getting someone to help with the occasional small carpentry project). Which is why I have lived in exactly one apartment and two houses since I finished college twenty some years ago.
And now I’m starting to figure out how to build what I very dearly hope will be my forever home (I bought LAND!). And I have promised myself from day one of the process that I will be clear and direct and unapologetic about saying ‘oh, I understand that’s not standard, but it’s what will work best for me so that’s what I need to do’ as clearly and as often as necessary.
Because I’m pretty sure if I get to build my perfect little hobbit hole, I’ll be damn near unstoppable!
Hi Hunter! Sami here - I'm the new Content Manager for The Autistic Culture Podcast. While I was lucky enough to stay in the stable environment of my childhood home until moving out at the age of 20, the process of moving apartments has always been nothing short of a hellscape, lol. I can't even imagine having to deal with so many transitions on this scale as a kid, let alone as an adult - so just know that moving absolutely IS traumatic, and you're validated.
I'm so happy that you're putting down roots and establishing yourself into your "hobbit hole". I've been turning my apartment into a bit of a hobbit hole myself - and I've been getting used to designing my space in a way that works for my disability, even if it seems non-traditional to most. Being comfortable in my space is my top priority these days - and also staying emotionally regulated, and those two things are so interconnected!
Thanks for listening Hunter! :)
Matt getting fired up with all the swearing for this episode was SO relatable! Also, I'm shocked that neither of you use a WaterPik to clean your teeth, I'm worried about your gum health by powerwashing them with your shower head. 😂 Not sure if you've mentioned it before, but I definitely recommend a bidet, too!
My moving tip is to have a pet, having a cat to snuggle up with in bed always helps me feel at "home" in a new space.
Hi Elle! Sami here, I'm the Content Manager for The Autistic Culture Podcast :) I have honestly been wanting to invest in a WaterPik too. I've never powerwashed my teeth, but brushing my teeth is an absolute sensory hell for me, so there's that lol. & as an autistic cat lady, I definitely second the fact that snuggling up to a kitty is the best way to help with the transition into a new space :) thank you so much for listening Elle!
I picked up on the swearing too. It's a sure sign our coping mechanisms are being outstripped by pressures on us and o totally relate to that.
One quick tip that is helping my wife and I is trying to reduce unnecessary sounds. We bought a microwave that had the option to mute the button sounds and the "food done" sound. And we are in the process of replacing our bathroom exhaust fan. Going to get one that has a decibel level equivalent to a whisper.
Another tip... I also like to buy things that are easy to repair or replace. For example, the new exhaust fan that I want to get is setup so the fan can just be unplugged from its housing and then slid out. This makes cleaning it, and doing other maintenance really easy. Most fans, you need to take the whole housing and everything out making it a pain to maintain them. When they aren't maintained they tend to get louder over time and can break and then I just have to deal with the pain of replacing them. When we remodel our house, the plan is to install hidden panels in the walls that would be easy to remove and provide easy access to all the wires and pipes. This would make fixing leaks, replacing things, etc. really easy.
Oh my goodness this is so helpful! I am extremely sensitive to noise (ironically, as a person who enjoys concerts lol) and I literally can hear the noises that my house makes 24/7. I didn't even know a microwave that can be muted was an option, but now I need one expeditiously. These tips are so helpful! Thank you for sharing!
My wife and I (both of us are Autistic) bought our house in 2016 with the expectation that this would be our forever home. We have plans to one day remodel it and improve it but we never want to move again. This is the first home we ever bought, we rented before this, but we just don't see any need to move again. Something could change, but our plans are to make this home fit us better by remodeling it one day (adding a garage, improving the kitchen, and adding a utility room and another small bathroom and probably finishing the attic for storage) and we have been doing a lot of work on our land to make it perfect for us. And since we can do most of the work ourselves it helps a lot with managing things and doing it in a way that works for us. I find it really regulating to do work with my hands so I'm enjoying slowly improving our place.
Hi Daron! Sami here, I am the new Content Manager for The Autistic Culture Podcast :) I love the idea of just settling down in a forever home - I was born and raised in Southern California, and have no desire to ever leave this area bc of the familiarity and routine I've developed here over decades, and I also am doing similar work in my apartment to optimize it and make it an autistic safe space. When I moved in, it was definitely a work in progress - but I've made it so much my own now that I am absolutely dreading the day I have to move. At the same time, I can't wait for the day that I am not burdened by the restrictions of landlords, lol, and can have a housing situation that works perfectly for me, you know? I'm so glad that you enjoyed this episode and thanks for listening!
I too found this validating. I identified trauma relating to moving house after being forced to move just over 2 years ago. Not at the time mind you, only about a year after. Sure enough, again this year, we were forced to move again but it helped to know that I would be in a fight or flight state. I called in help where I could but it was still extremely stressful. Not least because I have 2 young adult kids who are not able to help at all due to their own disabilities. It's A LOT!
Love it!! The overwhelm of moving is hell!
I'm also in the process of turning my home into an autistic/ADHD "hobbit hole." It's an ongoing project, but every time I'm able to nudge my space a little closer to the way I want, it feels more relaxing and homey to me. For me, a huge part of it is finding ways to cut down on household chores, because it reduces demand on my executive functioning and gives me more time to regulate.
My biggest time/money investment has been upgrading my numerous bookcases into bookcases with glass doors. I can see my books, DVDs, and action figures/dolls, but I don't have to dust any of the shelves! My new bookcases are also bigger than my old ones, so I have extra space to put a container on each shelf for other things I need to have handy, like a box of cleaning supplies in each room (instead of having to go get them in one central location,) or boxes of various crafting supplies in my bedroom, which is where I do a lot of that stuff.
One little thing that's weirdly wonderful for me are mop slippers for cleaning my vinyl plank/tile flooring. When I was a kid, I loved the scene from this old Pippi Longstocking movie where she put scrubbing brushes on her feet like roller skates and skated around the room to scrub the floor (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7BXkNt_eLA&pp=ygUgcGlwcGkgbG9uZ3N0b2NraW5nIHNjcnViYmluZyBkYXk%3D). So many times as an adult, I've thought back on that scene longingly and thought, "That would fix me," lol. Well, now that I've discovered mop slippers...it kind of does? I slip them on over my shoes, put on some music and dance around to clean my floors, and then they can go in the wash. Vacuums are a bane on my existence, and this is fun! Love!
Finally, I like to have my home reflect my special interests as much as possible. When I was younger, I went through a period where I thought I was supposed to have more "grown-up" home decor that wasn't just, like, Doctor Who and Star Wars and Lord of the Rings stuff everywhere. But luckily, in the last few years, I realized, "Screw that! It's my house and I want it to make me happy." There's stuff that feels like me in every single room, and that brings me a lot of joy.